The Influential Nonprofit

Boundaries & Agreements — How to Ask for What You Actually Want in the New Year

Episode Summary

Key Takeaways: Sustainable change begins by raising standards, not just managing expectations. Standards define the floor you will no longer fall below, while expectations shape the ceiling you desire. Boundaries and agreements act as the walls that uphold both. Boundaries focus on what you no longer want to tolerate or experience. Agreements clarify what you do want and how it will work in practice. They turn avoidance into intention and make expectations visible to others. Agreements reduce resentment by replacing unspoken rules with shared understanding. They teach others how to relate to you personally, professionally, and in leadership spaces. Strong agreements create safety, predictability, and mutual respect. Raising standards often invites testing, especially in the early stages. Holding the agreement while releasing the outcome allows relationships to adjust naturally. Over time, people either rise to meet the standard or drift away. “We can't change behavior unless we change the boundaries and agreements that uphold and support that behavior.” “We teach people how to treat us.” “Your internal agreements will determine your external results.” - Maryanne Dersch

Episode Notes

Key Takeaways:

• Sustainable change begins by raising standards, not just managing expectations. Standards define the floor you will no longer fall below, while expectations shape the ceiling you desire. Boundaries and agreements act as the walls that uphold both.
• Boundaries focus on what you no longer want to tolerate or experience. Agreements clarify what you do want and how it will work in practice. They turn avoidance into intention and make expectations visible to others.
• Agreements reduce resentment by replacing unspoken rules with shared understanding. They teach others how to relate to you personally, professionally, and in leadership spaces. Strong agreements create safety, predictability, and mutual respect.
• Raising standards often invites testing, especially in the early stages. Holding the agreement while releasing the outcome allows relationships to adjust naturally. Over time, people either rise to meet the standard or drift away.

“We can't change behavior unless we change the boundaries and agreements that uphold and support that behavior.”

“We teach people how to treat us.”

“Your internal agreements will determine your external results.” 

- Maryanne Dersch